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Welcome to Day 6 of 7 Days To Better Productivity & Time Management.
Today’s task will take about 1 hour.
There are 2 nasty self-sabotage demons that undermine our best efforts at being productive and getting stuff done: perfectionism and procrastination.
Today let’s slay perfectionism.
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Today was hard because I find that I can relax with everything else in my life except work. I work with my husband and I feel like I will never live up to his standards of how things should be done and how much I can get done in a day. He has totally unrealistic expectations of me…he even called me Super Woman…he said that is how he has always seen me. This makes me avoid doing things when I am not 110% sure that I will do them perfectly the first time. I’m going to work on this. Thanks for letting me share.
I’m glad to report that I’m not a perfectionist but I do live with one. He’ll be reading this tonight 🙂 Where I can use this information is that I expect a lot from others as I expect a lot from me…mostly in the ability to get things done during the day. This isn’t fair to others. I’m going to be conscious of what you’ve written this week with those around me and expect less from them rather than me setting goals for them when they should be allowed to do this themselves!
So this exercise was my ground zero moment in untangling the roots of my behaviors…hhhmm it reduced me to tears! I really thought I had overcome my perfectionistic ways from childhood and adolescence (was kind of obsessive about cleanliness). Apparently not. Or maybe I had just not resolved it internally, so I pulled out my journal and poured. Feeling better now however, I still do not seem to be able to discern what are the tasks where my perfectionistic alter ego dominates. I will have to stay tuned in to pickup on this…will spend a little more time reading back posts for idea triggers. In the meantime…thank you again! You truly help us with these guided introspective looks at our behaviors and motivators. (:
This is such a struggle for me! Loved your comment below, Michele: “No point poking the perfectionistic beast.” I am very hard on myself and expect my son and husband to do the household chores just like I do, which, of course, creates so much more work for me, since I tell them I’ll just do it myself. It’s really hard to let go and, consequently, I create a never-ending cycle of doing things perfectly that don’t really matter and not having time for the things that do matter~perfectionism drives procrastination…I definitely see it; I just can’t seem to fix it!
lol This was so easy. I’ve already passed the point where the “right” way to do something matters. I’m ill, weak, tired, exhausted, so waiting until I am well enough to do a job is simply not going to happen. I have a loving husband who is eager to do everything for me if only I will ask him to. So, he’s learned to wash clothes, move the wet stuff to the dryer, and actually turn it on. This process took a long time. Does he sort? No. Does he get the job done? Yup. If I’m up to it I might fold some of the laundry. Or not. I used to love my shiny sink. Dh just piles up the dishes. Eventually, he runs out of dishes and washes them. I can not go to the store to buy groceries so I make a list for him. If he comes home with things that weren’t on the list or the wrong item totally I find a way to make a menu that incorporates those items. Not what I want, but what IS. Along the way it was hard to accept that I couldn’t do what I used to do, but it gets done and that is more important than done my way.
NOT do something perfectly ON PURPOSE? Why? Why would I purposely do things imperfectly? Oh yeah, so I would actually DO them and get things DONE! I really like the “Done is better than perfect” saying – I need to post that on my glasses so I see it all the time!
This was a good task for me. I can be a bit nutty about doing some chores and organizational tasks in a certain way. Yet, because of my physical limitations, compounded by procrastination, I cannot do them as often. Instead it is my partner who does it more… and not always in the way I prefer. In my eyes, “my way” is better and just makes more logical sense. One thing we bicker about sometimes is the different ways we do dishes. I was taught by my mother to organize them into categories and then wash them by category, starting with cups and leaving the dirtiest pots, etc… until the end. He does them in no particular order. So the perfectionism task I did was exactly that – doing the dishes, but not in the order and way I usually do them. Instead I didn’t organize them first, but instead I just washed them as they were already lined up on the counter, including washing some pots at the beginning. And you know what? It didn’t really make a ton of difference, especially because I simply rinsed any excess dirt over the side of the wash tub first so it wouldn’t dirty the water so fast. And better than that, it was easier to START the dishes, even if it wasn’t as efficient overall. I got them done! It was a good exercise to realize that I need to let the “ideal way” go sometimes, especially when I am not the one doing the dishes.
This is something that I have been working on for myself in some of the areas between home and work. And yes I did find it was ok…and everyone around me survived including me! However, I found that others had expected it and relied on it too. It’s ok eventually everyone will catch up to speed. Lol. I’m keeping a careful eye on it though as I don’t want it to tip the other way to become…below normal standard, lazy or unreliable? I actually took on a task today and communicated to the end user it wouldn’t be perfect but in the best interest if time it was better that way or not done at all. I felt relief cause I could let go and able to move on.
I knew there were areas that I held perfectionism to. After I wrote them out, I looked at each one and wrote down why perfection wasn’t needed, or how I could change the way I thought about it. For example, I spend time making sure clothes are hung on the “right” hanger (I have different hangers for my clothes than my husband’s clothes). I determined I could deal with this situation in two ways: buy all the same kind of hangers, or just not give a darn and just hang up the clothes on the next hanger available.
One thing I identified as probably the hardest to let go of, letting my husband do the dishes… and then not rewashing them the next day while he’s at work, is a real contention for me. There’s that “standard” that I was taught growing up, and he doesn’t “live up to it” with the dishes. So, I know that is something I am going to have to really work through.
The thing I most want to lower the standards of is the all around criticizing myself when I don’t do something to the standards I think other people hold on me regarding that activity, etc. I am starting to realize that most of the time the other people don’t even notice what I’m doing because I am “doing it right”. But the put- myself-down-talk, is hard to put aside.
I was happy to find I used the DSSN on my “imperfect” task. Normally my system for grading students’ papers involves putting them all into student name order, and then rearranging them by date received (I grade once a week for book assignments). This time I grabbed the stack, picked up the assignment on the top, and graded it, and then went on to the next on the pile, etc and so forth. I think I saved about 20 minutes. Yah Hoo!
I know that there is still some changes to be made regarding my perfectionism, but at the same time, I have proven to myself that it can be done (at least in one way ;).
Michele, I find the idea of morning pages intriguing. I’m off to grab a notebook and give it a go.
I don’t think this one really applies to me. If I’m a perfectionist it is deeply hidden somewhere 🙂
Another ah-ha day for me. At first go-through I thought “yes I do this, but not in any areas where I can really let it go – they need to be perfect”! The things we tell ourselves.
Think harder, Deb. The first area that popped into mind was exercising and diet. If I don’t have time to do a whole routine I don’t do any. I need to make myself understand that one thing/rep/5 minutes is better than none and if I slip-up on the diet I don’t have to give it up all together. I do walk the dog every morning because she pesters me if I don’t! Talk about motivation ;-).
But I suspect my biggest weakness in this regard comes from business activities. The minute I’m doing something that is (in my mind) even vaguely related to my business I go into must-be-perfect mode. I feel like my customers are judging me (they did pay money) and I must present everything perfectly – from as big and important as my products to as menial as my social media posts. How do I know what can be let go of (don’t spend hours making a Facebook Post perfect) to what really needs the attention spent on it? How do I get away from that feeling that every time I deliver or ship something they will be disappointed because it’s not corporation perfect or the packaging is not up to Apple’s standards, ect. I suspect insecurity is at the bottom of this one.
Which means that drilling down in this exercise, I think I’m getting to the crux of a few things. Is the perfectionism in my business activities really avoidance behavior for my creative output? I mean, if I tweak my logo one more time, somebody shoot me! Am I really just stalling my launch because I’m afraid my product isn’t perfect yet and I’ll get angry customers? What’s the fix?
Now, I’m off to my business plan to make another list of different fears and their fixes – bye all!
Oh wait, is that more avoidance behavior?
I’m a total perfectionist, always have been since I was little. I do hate being this way but it has been hard to change. It has held me back a lot and made me insecure too. My area of focus today is not to also expect my husband and 3 year old son to do things the way I always want them. They are their own persons and I need to let them be themselves and not let their lack of doing or being perfect affect me! I will focus on lowering my standards, going to be extremely hard, I need a whole separate corse on this one!
I was thinking I wasn’t a perfectionist because I do tons of things imperfectly, mainly housework! But then I realized that I am guilty of wanting to ‘map things out all the way to Z’, I spend a lot of time on the trivial and leave important things undone. Also guilty of being very critical of myself and put off starting things because everything is not just so…
When I saw the example the other day of writing 500 words as a magical activity, that really struck me. JUST 500 words? I always thought a word goal should be like 1500 words or 2000, and I’d need a stretch of couple hours to even tackle that – so, you guessed it, I never start working on the book I want to be writing. But, 500! That was like an epiphany! I could do 500! I know I could get that, and it doesn’t feel like a ‘perfect’ output, it feels like a lower standard, so, that is my imperfect task for this evening! (It is already 5pm here & dinner has not been made or eaten yet, but I bet I can manage 500 words anyway.) I’m very excited about this idea. 🙂
From my notes on the cost of perfectionism:
“See that bulleted list above? That’s me. Totally me. And I drive myself nuts. Even as I write these notes I’m fussing with wording and making the formatting just so. I recognize that those things as trivial…these are notes for my eyes only…but I can’t seem to stop myself.
I read that list and it scares me; it makes me feel uncomfortable, and it makes me sad. I’m scared because I don’t know if I can let go of those behaviors. It’s like I’m obsessed. I have so many projects and so many ideas that I want to work on and to get finished. But I’m getting nowhere fast and it’s really beginning to weigh on me.
What is it costing me, this obsession with perfectionism?
-The pleasure of a newly painted and updated bathroom.
-The satisfaction and freedom of not worrying/stewing/agonizing over uncompleted projects.
-Instead of feeling satisfied and happy and the end of the day, I’m feeling frustrated with myself and guilty.”
From my notes on the cost of perfectionism:
“See that bulleted list above? That’s me. Totally me. And I drive myself nuts. Even as I write these notes I’m fussing with wording and making the formatting just so. I recognize that those things as trivial…these are notes for my eyes only…but I can’t seem to stop myself.
I read that list and it scares me; it makes me feel uncomfortable, and it makes me sad. I’m scared because I don’t know if I can let go of those behaviors. It’s like I’m obsessed. I have so many projects and so many ideas that I want to work on and to get finished. But I’m getting nowhere fast and it’s really beginning to weigh on me.
What is it costing me, this obsession with perfectionism?
-The pleasure of a newly painted and updated bathroom.
-The satisfaction and freedom of not worrying/stewing/agonizing over uncompleted projects.
-Instead of feeling satisfied and happy and the end of the day, I’m feeling frustrated with myself and guilty.”
I have sort of a love/hate relationship with perfectionism. I have gone to work wearing 2 different shoes (more than once actually), yet I do find that I have a fear of starting things or doing things that I won’t do well at. One thing that helps me when I get into “perfectionist” mode is a quote that I read in a scrapbooking magazine many years ago – Done is better than perfect. It was meant to keep you from obsessing about which sticker or paper to use when scrapbooking in order to get the memories and photos down (the magic thing?) but I think it applies in lots of areas. I find the worst area for me is in dealing with other people. I deal with many parents, leaders and girls in my work with the Girl Scouts. I am learning that I care about the perfection more than they do sometimes! I am also realizing that the people who demand perfection are those who don’t wish to help or participate. They want an amazing experience for their daughter, but only want to drop her off and drive away. I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I can’t let those people’s opinions matter. Like Debbie, I started running a little over a year ago. It isn’t fast and it isn’t pretty, but I feel successful because I can do it even though it’s hard. I’ve run 2 5K’s this year. It certainly isn’t perfect, but I’m doing it anyway:-)
I see plenty of evidence of perfectionism in my life. It has immobilized me from starting many projects I want to do, because I won’t start until I see the conditions as perfect and then I don’t want to walk away and leave the project undone. I can really relate to Debbie’s comments. I have let go on smaller tasks (making the bed perfectly); it’s the larger projects that I shy away from. This activity taught me that there are very few things in my life that I truly need to be perfect at. I need to let go and focus on getting things done that make me happy more than getting things done perfectly and finding happiness in that…(Breakthrough! Thanks, Michele)
I always claimed I wasn’t a perfectionist, because I don’t produce perfect results. I reasoned that a perfectionist would produce perfection. In school I was friends with the straight-A students, and I was one too. I set my expectations accordingly. I initially went into a field I was good at (math / computers) instead of one I love (music). I rejected anything related to psychology because I earned a B in an intro course. Now as a musician I am faced with the reality every time I play that I am not perfect. It is OK sometimes. As a child I thought that heaven would be a place where I had all day to play music. Yes, I love doing that in my job. But when I have to practice, do one of my magic activities? Avoid it. I think that practicing is a double-whammy because I am facing the places I am imperfect while looking into my potential greatness.
I put off starting things, spend time on trivial things. Fear failing. Hate the thought of documentation not being just right. Hate the thought of my interventions with kids not being just so. Don’t file things in my office because my filing system is not good enough. And then things are not done, not prepared, not filed. Which causes LOTS of stress.
In those things where I can lower my expectation and just enjoy it, I am successful at DOING it. I am running a 5K tomorrow. No expectation – I am a terrifically slow runner just having fun with a friend who asked me to join her. Yoga, meditation – I do them without expectation of how well I will do them, and reap wonderful benefits as a result.
OK, so today I’ll be imperfect on something that I would normally want perfection on. Not sure what that will be yet.
Thanks I’m going to go back and catch up on a few days will then check in again!