Welcome to Day 13.
If you feel overwhelmed and long for greater simplicity, then there’s a good chance you need to use a certain word more often.
No not that one.
This one: No.
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OK, managed to say “no” today for something for my own workload, not necessarily that of my staff, but I guess that is a start!
I am pretty good at saying no for most things. I am quite a selfish person and I value my own time so I try to say no to lots of social invitations and spend plenty of time on my own. Work is pretty cool, I have just about the right amount of stuff to do. All good. I think this one is in the bag! Interesting to see in the comments how different tasks are difficult / easy for different people.
The experimenting and refining process is a bit bumpy, but it gets easier 🙂
I find it bumpy too, Kim. But it does get easier, and it brings benefits. 🙂
Although I don’t generally have a problem saying no when asked to do something I prefer not to, I notice that I often say yes to helping without – or before – being asked. A couple of weeks ago I listened to a friend who is going through a life change and jumped in and offered to help with something that I later realized could be very time consuming and that I don’t particularly enjoy doing. So I’ve started to work on not offering to help automatically when I see/hear someone in need. I guess you could say in a way I’m saying ‘No’ to myself, or at least to this behavior 🙂
That’s a good realization Ellen. Choosing how/when you help CONSCIOUSLY is a much better strategy for helping with love.
I do find saying no quite difficult and I absolutely love your statement in bold which has really hit home to me today. Saying yes to things that aren’t important to you is costing you the things that are important to you. I see the three extended elements of today’s task the entire process of simplifying my life, which I am making progress on but still have some way to go!
In some ways today’s challenge is the most important, because it supports all the others. For most of us learning to protect our true priorities is a lifelong process. But getting started is awesome!
I’ve resigned from my oldest daughter’s high school foundation board. That was really hard but I felt so free once I did it.
Good for you, Monica! Kylie ~ Community Manager
Both my husband and I have a difficult time saying no. When we do say no, we over explain ourselves as to why we can’t sat yes I did help my husband say no to a request for a favor that would completely ruin our plans of having a sidewalk sale at a specific time that day to increase our income I put one of my priorities first without realizing it would soon be identified as one 🙂 Currently we are working on improving our eating habits for health reasons. We are running into a lot of “oh, come on, one little taco or sweet bread won’t hurt you”. We have been okay so far, but have decided to remove ourselves from the situation if it continues. Thank you for the suggestions, I’d feel comfortable saying any one of these.
And do practice the role playing, Lety! It will really help when someone puts the pressure on.
In general, I don’t have a problem saying no. The only person it’s a problem with is my brother because to him saying no equals being selfish – although things are better in that area than it used to be. He happens to be coming for a visit so I’m going to pay attention to where I might be compromising more than I’m comfortable with. But I think one area I can work on is being able to say no in a gentler way. I often come straight out and say, No – I’m not interested, or No, that’s not convenient for me. Sometimes – not always – I think it would be good to give a gentler ‘No’ – something like “I wish I could help you out, but it doesn’t fit into my schedule.” Different situations call for a different kind of ‘No’ and I often forget that!
ETA: I identify with what both Cheri and Donna said. I also need to say Yes more often to opportunities!
Good luck with that Ellen. A different approach may make a difference. 🙂
I’m trying to balance my yeses and nos better. I already quit as a volunteer for 2 organizations so that I could have time to take some courses to further my career. BUT, the courses take more time than the volunteering, and so I’ve said no to a lot of social events and am not going to yoga as often. I think I need to add more friend/family time and exercise time back in to my schedule and say no to TV and snacks…
Jenn, as I mentioned in today’s content, I think it takes a little while to get this right. I’ve made mistakes along the way but I’ve definitely learned from them!
I have become much better at saying no over the last couple of years. It is very easy to slip back into the “Sure” or “no problem” mode. Now…I have to learn to say no because I don’t want to or…it will take time away from the important things on my priority list. I also have to learn I don’t need to justify my “no”. It is a challenge I enjoy working on!
I REALLY need this challenge (actually would have been good last week). I’m in a new town so I keep saying YES hoping to meet people and stay busy, but now I fell over busy. Now – I hate to back out so soon after I’ve said yes. My plan was to say yes to one time things, but hold back on on-going commitments. I wish I’d stuck to that.
How wonderful that the new town has embraced you so quickly, Lisa! Pick and choose which commitments you wish to continue with and let the others know that you’ve overcommitted. I’m sure they will understand. Kylie ~ Community Manager
I am retired, and I need to think more about saying yes because I have let myself become too isolated. No was a lesson I learned long ago, thank goodness. 🙂
Saying No is a problem for many people, but so is saying Yes! You’re wise to keep yourself open Donna.
Honestly I have the opposite problem. I’m the consummate homebody. I say “NO” to a lot of things outside my very narrow comfort zone and miss out on a lot of great opportunities. This year I’m (carefully and selectively) daring to say “YES” a little more often.
It’s good you recognize that saying YES is what you need to do more of Cheri.
Cheri, I identify with what you wrote. Thanks for sharing 🙂
I am so glad that this was a “challenge”! It is very hard for me to say no! Being a SAHM people assume that I do nothing!! HELLO! Among all the household responsiblities and our farm I mow our yard and my parents-in-laws yard. Priorities are soooo important and I love how you have challenged me to do what I have such trouble doing….writing it down and planning!! I usually wake up and fky by the seat of my pants!! Thank you for helping realize that I do have control over “stuff” and my time!
You have that control Amy and when you realize how much freedom you can give yourself it puts you in a much better position to choose to help others FROM LOVE and not from obligation. Thank YOU for rising to these challenges! 🙂
I have already begun saying No when necessary. Started working on this a few months ago–it is so liberating! No is a wonderful word when used properly!
I have realized that saying know to one thing, allows another opportunity to rise to the surface. Saying no, or stepping back, also gives others who might have hesitated, a chance to step forward.
What a good way of looking at it, Amy! 🙂
This course is making me feel validated. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older and giving myself permission to have the life I want, but many of our exercises are things I’ve recently done. I chose one volunteer effort I wanted to support (it requires an ongoing time commitment) and resigned all others. I’m working on not doing it all… which is today’s point 🙂
No one else will give you that permission so you have to do it for yourself Sharon! 🙂
I quit a club because I didn’t feel welcome
Good choice Kendra.
Recently I was asked to become a director of a charitable organization. It’s for a cause that is near and dear to my heart, so I asked them if I could have a few days to decide. I also asked for an estimate of the time commitment that would be needed. After looking at my schedule, I had to inform them that the only way I could commit to that kind of time would be to sleep less, and I didn’t feel willing or able to do that. Instead, we jointly decided that I would act as a resource person, if the need arises and my time allows. It’s a win-win for us all….I get to still be in the loop regarding the charity but I don’t have to overcommit.
What a good solution Marla. Congrats on taking the time to think about it and getting the information before just saying yes.
Have already resignedas a board member of a community group.
Good one Windy.
soccer, girl scouts?
Yes soccer coach of 1 with all 3 on teams. Short season, not continuing after this season. Analyzing girl scout situation. Staying in polka band though… That’s important to me. Also gave up thinking I was going to be the perfect p
PTA parent the first year my first kid was in school.. Does not doing that from the beginning count for something?