This month my word of the month is discipline.
Not the scary, willpower-y kind of discipline. I’ve never been good at that. Anything enforced immediately brings out the rebellious child in me.
I can’t diet because as soon as there’s something I can’t have it’s the thing I want most in the world. Even if I had zero interest in it before. White chocolate mud cake that I’ve spat out on previous occasions? Don’t mind if I do.
I recently gave up Coke Zero but can only stick to this by keeping a bottle in my fridge at all times and allowing myself to have it if I really want it (which ends up being about once every 3 or 4 weeks).
I find it impossible to do what I must, should, have to.
But I love this way of looking at discipline:
Discipline is just choosing between what you want now and what you want most.
This perspective takes the harsh, perfectionistic charge out of self-control. It lets me step away from the whip and gives me a choice. It makes the decision all about things I want, rather than things I can’t have.
So I’m using this concept of discipline to help me with my goals this month.
Instead of forcing myself or trying to use willpower, I’m going to compare what I want now with what I want more.
Sometimes the chocolate or super-late night will win. That’s human nature. Or at least it’s mine.
But, when there’s this freedom of choice, often the things I want more will win.
How About You?
Do you like this way of thinking about discipline?
What’s your word for this month?
I stumbled upon this strategy when I was healing from an eating disorder. I found that I would panic and “have to have” chocolate as soon as I told myself I was giving it up. (I’d compulsively binged on it to manage internal trauma) But if I kept even a small amount in the kitchen, knowing it was there was calming enough to let me pass on it most of the time, as long as I knew it was there in the event of a “chocolate emergency.”
Yes, to answer someone else’s question, I really did give it up. I gave up bingeing and every kind of chocolate that wasn’t what I most wanted. I traded it for very good, dark chocolate, which satisfied my cravings, my “need”, and gave me a great deal of pleasure.
Thank you for sharing that, Leigh. I think for many of us there’s an all-or-nothingness that stops us making positive changes. Allowing ourselves a little slack can make all the difference. 🙂
I love this way of thinking about discipline. I’m like you – as soon as I “can’t” have something, I want it, and as soon as I “must” do something, I don’t want to. This seems like an excellent way to get over that hurdle.
We’re little rebels Leslie! But realizing it helps. 🙂
Hmm,
“I recently gave up Coke Zero but can only stick to this by keeping a bottle in my fridge at all times and allowing myself to have it if I really want it (which ends up being about once every 3 or 4 weeks).”
Did you really give it up if you are still drinking it?
Besides that I agree with your concept it is really what you really want. Too many people make a resolution about losing exercise, fill in the blank _____; only to value their comfort more. Make a committed goal that is really meaningful and then you will have the discipline to attain it.
It feels given up to me, compared to the 2 a day I was drinking before! 😛
I agree – I’ve “given up” caffeine in kind of the same way. I used to drink coffee every day, now I only have it on special occasions, and I feel much better! Knowing I’m allowed to have it sometimes makes it much easier to resist on a daily basis.
This reminds me of Gretchen Rubin’s moderators vs. abstainers model – some people find it easier to give things up completely, and for others it works better to have things in moderation.
I like the idea of discipline being the difference between what I want now vs. what I want later/most. I never before saw it as a part of delayed gratification. I think just that thought will be helpful in practicing disciplines ranging from physical to spiritual. Thank you so much for that insight!
My pleasure! It’s been a really helpful insight for me too. 🙂
I used to tell my youth group kids this (I was a youth minister at a Lutheran Church): I believe in “do whatever you want,” just make sure that the smaller things you want today don’t take away the more important things you’ll want tomorrow. You’ll be your own worst enemy.
Sally Mack de Apodaca A great lesson for kids Sally!
I love this concept. I am going to think of it every time I order at a resteraunt.
Haha excellent application Briana!
My word this month is “quiet”. As a SAHM of two, I don’t experience it often and I’ve found that even when I have the opportunity to enjoy some quiet, my mind is loud and cluttered. I’m working on being intentional about quiet in both the literal (sending the kids outside to play when they get really loud, enforcing rest/nap time rules better) and the mental (meditate, rest, read thoughtful books made of paper).
I love this idea Heather! I’m currently reading Quiet by Susan Cain. It’s about introverts (we need quiet!!) and you may enjoy it too. http://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352145