When you’re about to leave this mortal coil, you want to have a sense of peace.
To feel you’ve lived a good life, whatever you believe that to be. To look back and have no regrets.
Presumably we all feel this way, yet many people seem to harbor the same concerns as they approach their last days.
At least according to Bronnie Ware, an Australian palliative care nurse who recorded the epiphanies of the dying patients she cared for.
Here are the common themes she recorded, and some suggestions for preventing each regret in your own life:
1. Be True To Yourself, Not To Others’ Expectations
‘I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.’
It’s interesting that this was the most common regret – clearly it’s a major issue for many of us.
Knowing this, we can be aware of the importance of listening to the little voice inside us, of turning up the volume on our deepest self.
Whether the voice is telling us something about what we should do with our lives, or who we should spend time with, or how we should live, we need to be brave enough to hear it – and act on it.
2. Don’t Work Too Hard
‘I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.’
Of course work can be a source of fulfillment and joy – not to mention a way to support our lives.
But to avoid regrets, we need to make sure work is not at the expense of relationships, experiences and other meaningful memories.
We need to make work only a part of a fuller, richer life.
3. Express Your Feelings
‘I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.’
There is a balance between keeping the peace and speaking up for yourself. Not an easy balance to find, but one worth striving for.
And the commonness of this regret suggests that for many people, the balance might lie a little further toward the express-yourself end of the spectrum.
Perhaps flexing our courage muscles more often and saying how we feel will spare us later remorse.
4. Keep Up With Your Friends
‘I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.’
With limited time and energy, it pays to think about the people who matter most in your life, and to make the effort to keep up with them.
Life can get filled up with acquaintances and colleagues, leaving little room for the people we call friends.
We have to consciously and deliberately make time for the people we care about.
5. Choose To Be Happy
‘I wish that I had let myself be happier.’
So many people wait for happiness to find them. Ware says the people she nursed didn’t realize “until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits.”
We have to fight against anti-happiness habits, to manage our thoughts, to choose happiness.
To avoid this sad regret, we have let ourselves do the things that make us happy.
What Will You Regret?
Do any of these regrets strike a chord for you?
Perhaps you can save yourself later anguish by thinking about what you can do differently in your own life, how you can change things.
While there’s still time.
So true!
So True!
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How many of us are not true to ourselves… We think we have to be the perfect son,daughter,parent,spouse etc etc. We do things out of duty,guilt , fear of missing out, etc etc
So true, Sally. Hopefully we can learn from other people’s regrets.
I have seen some nasty fights, bad attorneys after your gone. I’m a firm believer if you want someone to have something pass it on during your lifetime. If there is a particular item everyone wants and its valuable, consider selling it and use the sale of the money for something you want to do.
Good advice, Terry! 🙂
Just returned from the funeral services for my Aunt that was a happy woman. I would add that I want to live my life conscious of the fact that someone else will have the last say…I hope that when they say the last thing about me it is that I had a great love for all my family and friends and treated them with kindness.
I read somewhere that you should think about what you want people to say about you at your funeral, and let that determine how you live your life. Sounds like you’re doing that! PS I like that you remember your aunt as ‘a happy woman’. What a nice way to be remembered. 🙂
Just returned from the funeral services for my Aunt that was a happy woman. I would add that I want to live my life conscious of the fact that someone else will have the last say…I hope that when they say the last thing about me it is that I had a great love for all my family and friends and treated them with kindness.
My Mom passed away 15 years ago. I was able to spend lots of time with her during the last 3 months of her life. She knew I loved her when she died. Since her death, I make certain my family and close friends know I love them. I never end a conversation without telling them. I also volunteer in different areas than I did before – a lot of it making certain those who are alone and nearing the end of their lives have someone with them so they know they are loved and cared for. I live a happier life just by being kind to everyone I am around whether it be letting someone go ahead of me in the grocery store line or just a simple smile for someone who looks like they need one.
Wow Norell – sounds like you’ve given a lot of thought to how you want to live your life and to what truly matters to you. Perhaps your mother’s death, as sad as that was, has helped you avoid many of the regrets most people suffer. That’s a blessing. 🙂
My Mom passed away 15 years ago. I was able to spend lots of time with her during the last 3 months of her life. She knew I loved her when she died. Since her death, I make certain my family and close friends know I love them. I never end a conversation without telling them. I also volunteer in different areas than I did before – a lot of it making certain those who are alone and nearing the end of their lives have someone with them so they know they are loved and cared for. I live a happier life just by being kind to everyone I am around whether it be letting someone go ahead of me in the grocery store line or just a simple smile for someone who looks like they need one.
Great reminders about how to live live & what’s important. I’d also include as a Christian, knowing this is not our home & a greater place awaits us……
Nice reminder
Great advice!
Great article, Michele! Life really is a work in progress! We all need to make each day count!
That’s a good summary Charlene – to make each day count. 🙂
I came to similar conclusions about my life several years ago – it is a work-in-progress, but definitely makes life far more worthwhile to live with a purpose, and a vision…
It sure does James. Knowing how you want to feel in the future really does give you that purpose and vision, as you say.
It sure does James. Knowing how you want to feel in the future really does give you that purpose and vision, as you say.